Sometimes when I sit down to do a blog post, it writes itself. Other times, the story that needs told can't find its way out of my head to the keyboard. This is the latter, so bear with me as I wrestle it to the page. And know going in that I am not going to be able to tie this up into some kind of neat parable or object lesson.
*****
The day before I flew across the country for a four-day conference, the school nurse called. I don't know if you ever get calls or emails from school, but they often start with "First, I want you to know that [child] is fine." Or, they don't. And in our case, when they don't, I know I am about to hear something that will upend my day. This call started with, "I'm really sorry, but I have bad news." I braced myself and would be lying if I said my first thought wasn't a combination of panic and the word"f#ck." Because it was.
Ren and I had just pulled into the Target parking lot to pick up things I needed for the trip, and before the nurse even told me what had happened, I knew my day was going to go sideways fast. (My motto isn't "Every day goes south in its own way." for nothing).
Stow had gotten another concussion. This took me a minute to process. What did she mean? What did THIS mean? How could one kid be THAT unlucky? The nausea set in after I pressed for details. All she knew was that he was hit in the head in PE, but I could tell from the way she said it, that he wasn't hit in some kind of sport accident. I asked her to put Stow on the phone. Stow told me that another boy had hit him. I asked if it could have been an accident. He said, "No, he punched me in the head."
Now, I can't tell you more than that about what happened because of a lot of reasons I can't go into.
Ren and I quickly finished our business and got to the school. Going in I told Ren I wasn't leaving until I talked to the principal or vice principal. We went to the nurse's office to find Stow, and the nurse told me the results of her concussion evaluation. Stow had all of the symptoms he'd just spent two months getting over--headache, sensitivity to light and sound, nausea, foggy thinking, and dizziness. He was terrified that the second concussion might cause permanent damage and cried when he recounted what happened. Heightened emotions are another sign of a concussion.
Ren and I waited with Stow through the end of the principals' lunch duties and a fire drill (!! !!!!). Finally, maybe 45 minutes after we got there, the vice principal came to talk with us. I can't tell you what we discussed. I can tell you that Stow went home and to bed, and I talked to his primary care physician and then to the pediatric neurologist we now have as part of his extensive support team. They both told us to keep an eye on him and to put him back on concussion protocol.
The next day, I flew to the conference that I just couldn't skip, and Stow missed school. He spent most of the next few days in the nurse's office trying to deal with the headaches, nausea, dizziness, and inability to concentrate. Over a week out, he still hasn't made it back to all of his classes. He had to drop out of the bowling team, and he has spent hours with therapists talking about what happened and how to deal with it. I have spent hours talking to various people about what to do.
*****
The day the he got the concussion, Stow was wearing a brand new pair of shoes. He hasn't put them on since. He says they are bad luck. The shoes are the thing that is most noticeable on the grainy video of the incident--the only way I could find him in the crowd of students. Now they sit in our garage, something he was so excited about and is now afraid to wear.
*****
Recently I shared this blog with someone interested in a parent's perspective on raising autistic children. As we have traveled on this path, I have become much more sensitive to my position in this whole thing. I am not a victim. My kids are not broken. They do not need to be fixed. But, and this is a HUGE but, being a "neurospicy" kid in an ablest world is tough. And, watching my kids struggle through this breaks my heart in ways I didn't even know it could be broken.
Yesterday we saw the video of what happened, and it absolutely shattered me. The incident was hard enough to watch, but what happened after is what undid me. Stow looked so absolutely alone. I could see him at a loss for what to do, searching in vain for someone who might have seen what happened and who might be able help him.
It made me never want to let him leave my side ever again.
Their journey isn't about me. I get that. But, man.
