Dear Costco,
I understand the reasoning behind rearranging all the goods in the warehouse every few days to confuse us like mice in a maze; you want us to buy things we didn't intend to buy. This might be a good strategy if it didn't just make me mad. Between your constant rearranging and changing of seasonal stock, I mostly get annoyed. It pretty much makes me want to run over people with my cart full of rice, diapers, soy and rice milk, and toilet paper. After all, a pregnant woman shopping with two small kids really doesn't need any more challenges. Really.
The day was challenging enough. First, there was the hour drive it takes to get to Costco. This was preceded by one meltdown and three last minute trips to the potty. Then there were the multiple debates from the back seat over which CD we would listen to and who was smelling up the car. Followed immediately by a three-year old figuring out how to undo her seatbelt (but not how to latch it again). Then there was the herculean logistical effort involved in getting through the store a) without forgetting something and having to go from one end to the other and back twice, b) keeping my spouse moving past the electronics section, and c) making sure things in the cart didn't turn into a mobile cage fight (thanks, FMBMC for the phrase). And despite the fact your newest rearrangement made things a lot harder than they needed to be, this was a record trip to Costco (I didn't even run over anyone). But getting through the store is always only 2/3 of the challenge. Next was the ride home. And today, it was the ride home that did me in. Ten minutes out, vomit. Tons of it, and miles from the nearest exit. Fortunately, the gas station had both hot water and a recently refilled soap dispenser. And fortunately, I had packed extra pants. Still, it made for a long nerve-wracking ride home.
So, please, I beg you, Costco, quit playing games. Don't make life any harder than it needs to be. I'm sure enough of us spend more money than we intended to anyway.
Sincerely,
Mom on the Edge
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Anatomy of a Meltdown
The typical meltdown for a 2-3 year old lasts 5-10 minutes. At least this is what I hear. Pink P almost never melts down (I'm knocking on wood as I type this). Sky, on the other hand, melts down so epically and so thoroughly, that the experience can last an hour or longer. Even now. So, it'd be helpful to come up with an anatomy of a meltdown, wouldn't it?
Some disclaimers. First, it's never actually possible to predict a meltdown. That's what makes them so much fun (and by fun, I mean horrifying). Second, everything you know about parenting and handling a tantrum in a younger child will usually not work when your spectrum kid is melting down. Third, the variables involved in determining length and severity of a meltdown are too complicated to untangle with any certainty.
Take today's meltdown. Now, since it's the weekend and our school day routine is out of sync, I could predict that the risk of meltdown was slightly elevated. Wake up, early play time (and by early, I mean 5:30 a.m.) and breakfast all went well, though, so it looked like smooth sailing. Then came time to make beds and get dressed, and somewhere along the way, things started to fall apart. Thing is, by the end of an epic tantrum, we usually can't remember exactly what triggered it to begin with. Anyway, Sky started to resist my requests to get dressed and make his bed, then he started to yell, then to throw things (fortunately, he throws pillows mostly--we're in the process of trying to step down this particular behavior). We have three choices when Sky is in full-meltdown mode. None of them are good choices. We can ignore him(which has a 50/50 rate of success). We can try to contain him and talk him through it (also about 50/50 in terms of effectiveness). Or we can employ tough love by putting the offender and or his most beloved toys into time out. Depending on his state of mind, this can either work right away or make the tantrum exponentially worse. So we usually end up employing some combination of all three of these approaches to varying degrees of success. And after experiencing several of these meltdowns, what becomes obviously clear is how incredibly little control any of us has on them and how incredibly disruptive they are.
The good news, if there is any, is that it's possible to figure out a lot of the triggers and control for them. It's even possible to intervene effectively on some. But, it's a long exhaustive process. As he gets older Sky is much better at controlling himself so he doesn't get to meltdown stage, but not always. Any spectrum moms out there with sage advice? I'm all ears!
Some disclaimers. First, it's never actually possible to predict a meltdown. That's what makes them so much fun (and by fun, I mean horrifying). Second, everything you know about parenting and handling a tantrum in a younger child will usually not work when your spectrum kid is melting down. Third, the variables involved in determining length and severity of a meltdown are too complicated to untangle with any certainty.
Take today's meltdown. Now, since it's the weekend and our school day routine is out of sync, I could predict that the risk of meltdown was slightly elevated. Wake up, early play time (and by early, I mean 5:30 a.m.) and breakfast all went well, though, so it looked like smooth sailing. Then came time to make beds and get dressed, and somewhere along the way, things started to fall apart. Thing is, by the end of an epic tantrum, we usually can't remember exactly what triggered it to begin with. Anyway, Sky started to resist my requests to get dressed and make his bed, then he started to yell, then to throw things (fortunately, he throws pillows mostly--we're in the process of trying to step down this particular behavior). We have three choices when Sky is in full-meltdown mode. None of them are good choices. We can ignore him(which has a 50/50 rate of success). We can try to contain him and talk him through it (also about 50/50 in terms of effectiveness). Or we can employ tough love by putting the offender and or his most beloved toys into time out. Depending on his state of mind, this can either work right away or make the tantrum exponentially worse. So we usually end up employing some combination of all three of these approaches to varying degrees of success. And after experiencing several of these meltdowns, what becomes obviously clear is how incredibly little control any of us has on them and how incredibly disruptive they are.
The good news, if there is any, is that it's possible to figure out a lot of the triggers and control for them. It's even possible to intervene effectively on some. But, it's a long exhaustive process. As he gets older Sky is much better at controlling himself so he doesn't get to meltdown stage, but not always. Any spectrum moms out there with sage advice? I'm all ears!
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