How to Make the Perfect Bento

Hi. You don't actually expect me to teach you how to make the perfect bento, right? I mean, surely you've been reading long enough to know that the only thing I feel qualified to teach you is that life is hard (but fun) and we are all a little imperfect.

That said, I DO make a lot of bentos, so I thought I'd offer a photo essay.

At the start of any given week, I am usually much more ambitious. This often leads to the creation of wiener animals.

This is a stock image. My wiener animals never look that good.

Wiener animals separate the good moms from the bad ones when it comes to Japanese o-bento. The possibilities are endless, and there are an infinite number of guides to help you perfect the art of making them.

The "Decorative Wiener Cutting Classroom" guide to making wiener animals and fish. This is all starting to make me wonder whether we should initiate a diplomatic action to properly explain the colloquial use of the word wiener in the English language....Nah.

The last time we were in Japan, I tried to improve my skills by buying a handy wiener cutting tool. Alas, it turns out that not all wieners are created equal. American wieners are larger than Japanese wieners. No matter how hard I try, I can't get my wieners to fit. This greatly hampers my wiener cutting ambitions.

One size does NOT fit all.

As a result, my wiener bentos look more like this:

Wiener octopus, chrysanthemum, and squid; broccoli, carrots, apple, and rice with furikake.


*****

My favorite bento-making days are the morning after nights when Ren made dinner. Those days, I send the kids with some serious swag. And, the best part is that I don't have to do much work.

GF homemade meatballs in teriyaki sauce and tomato sauce, broccoli, lettuce, rice, grape tomatos, and grapes.

Money shot.

GF pork cutlets on rice, lettuce, carrots, and apples.

*****

By the end of the week, Ren and I are spent, and I resort to more desperate measures to make sure the kids have something to eat come lunch time. I'm usually scraping the bottom of the fridge at this point, particularly if we forgot to go to the grocery store over the weekend.

Hummus, carrots, cucumber, corn chips, and grapes.

Celery and carrots, Snapea Crisps, blueberry pancakes with jelly, and fruit snacks.

Making bentos every morning is a lot of work. But, thanks to the kids' allergies and to the fact that they just feel and act better when we limit their processed food intake, there doesn't seem to be a better option.

The payoff, I guess, is that the kids instinctively eat pretty well (and, also, I get to make wiener jokes on my blog). Another bonus is that because we tend to only have things on hand that they are able to eat, when they cook for themselves, it's pretty healthy. Sky made this for dinner one Sunday a couple of weeks ago when Ren and I were both sick.

Rice with furikake, corn chips, carrots, hummus, green beans, mini-pepperoni, and clementine.

Ironically, as is true with many things when your kid is on the autism spectrum, all this healthy eating can be a major problem. Sky has been known to lecture his classmates on the perils of junk food, and when the new boy in his class (who happens to be from Japan) came down with the stomach flu, before walking his sick classmate down to the nurse's office, Sky proclaimed, "He'd be a lot better off if his mom made bentos instead of letting him eat hot lunch!"  It turns out that, while I seem to have figured out how to deal with the grind of the daily bento, I still haven't managed to turn Sky into a flexible thinker.

Ah, well, you win some. You lose some.

Why I'll Never Be a Good Japanese Mom # I'velostcount

An essay, in pictures:

How many insanely small droppers full of tonkatsu sauce does it take to fill one of these ridiculously miniature truck-shaped holders? I don't know. But, the guantlet, it has been thrown, so I'm about to find out.

The answer is 12. Twelve droppers full. I'm pretty sure that if I was a Japanese mom, each drop would contain a little piece of my heart and overflow with love for my children. But, love? Love was not what I had in my heart when I undertook this particular exercise. #whyi'mabadjapanesemom

Goodbye little truck. May you inadvertently be disposed of with the trash.

October 2014 Japan Trip, Postscript

Just when you thought I was done photo dumping....Well, I am. Kind of. I just had a couple of more things I wanted to share with you.

First, the eki bento (a.k.a. ekiben). Ekiben are boxed lunches sold in train stations to folks preparing to board the bullet train. I bought mine at a shop like this right before I set out from Kyoto to Tokyo.

As you can imagine from this picture, there seems to be an infinite number of possibilities when it comes to ekiben. Most stations sell station specific ekiben as well as a wide array of seasonal and old favorites. 

Traveling by shinkansen is much more pleasant and enjoyable than any kind of train transportation available in the United States. The cars are clean and quiet, and the ride is incredibly smooth. The seats recline, there is plenty of legroom as well as adequate tray space for a good-sized ekiben and drink.

Of course, none of this matters if you are traveling with small children because then you are holding at least one of them on your lap while also trying to balance your boxed lunch and manipulate chopsticks in such as way as to force your toddler to take a bite of the salmon already. Traveling on a quiet and clean bullet train with kids is worse than flying with them because there's no ambient engine noise to drown out their poorly-timed observations or high-pitched protestations. Plus, the aisles are so darn wide, they can actually race each other down them (not that I would know from personal experience or anything; though I can say with a degree of certainty that you might be asked to keep your children quiet even when that's quite impossible given the excitement-provoking double whammy of TRAINS! and first-time views of majestic Mt. Fuji).

Pink shows Stow Mt. Fuji for the first time (back in June).

But, I digress. Back to ekiben...There was a time in my life, when I was a conservative ekiben consumer, but that time seems to have passed. Last week, before starting my marathon journey from Kyoto back to Tokyo just in time for a 12+ hour flight back to the US, I purchased this makunouchi ekiben.

 Check this out:

The only real surprise was the baby octopus in the bottom middle slot. I'm also not a huge fan of clams (top left). The other stuff was heavenly, though. I especially liked the tofu and pumpkin (sharing space with that darned octopus).

Anyway, the moral of this long-winded story about ekiben is that you should go to Japan and eat one, preferably without small children on your lap.

And now, I promise, the last of my interesting English pictures from this trip.

This is a souvenir shop in Kyoto Station. I looked. The store did not have a single heart, human or otherwise. Talk about false advertising!

This sign hung on the wall just above the toilet paper dispenser in my hotel room taunting me every time I used the toilet. Even now, I can't make sense of it (reading the Japanese doesn't help, either). If I don't need the whole roll, it seems wasteful to finish it, no?

Update Number Twenty-seven Zillion

Okay, not really, but it's been awhile since I posted an update on all of our various endeavors, so, here you go!

It has been 278 days since we moved, and, drum roll please........ I finally managed to hang pictures on the walls in Sky's room! The quality of these photos isn't great because it turns out that "midnight blue," or whatever the heck that color on the walls is called, doesn't work well when sunlit and then auto-smart-fixed on Photoshop. But you should definitely ignore all that and admire my wall-hanging skills.

You should also know that Sky cleaned his room just so I could take and post these pictures. He hopes you like his staging.

Second, after much pain and suffering (and approximately a bajillion phone calls), we may have finally managed to get Sky hooked up with some OT and behavioral therapy. It. Was. Not. Easy. And, it's way too early to see how it will go, but it's a (desperately delayed to the point of being ridiculous) start.

Did I mention that the new OT is hippotherapy? It's pretty awesome because it forces Sky to (naturally and willingly) keep tight control over his various impulses and sensory responses.

And the behavioral therapist is a play therapist--also something we didn't have access to before we moved. Again, the jury's still out on the effectiveness of this, but if nothing else, they all love the sand table. (Sorry for the fuzzy picture--this is what happens when I try to photo under cover).

Finally, it has been 498 days since we went gluten free. I've written about the ups and downs of going gluten free here, here, and here. But what I haven't told you is that since we went GFCF, Pink has not had to go to the hospital for her asthma even once. She has also backed off the serious meds she used to take. Now she's just on a mild maintenance medication and only taking half of the usual dose. Plus, she's needed her emergency inhaler only 6 times in the last year. Pre-gluten free, Pink was hospitalized twice a year and on steroids at least once every three months. She needed her emergency inhaler almost daily. The post-GFCF change is nothing short of miraculous.

Gratuitous bento shot.

Gratuitous bento shot. (These two, I made).

Stow, meanwhile, no longer sports a bloated gut, and Sky no longer randomly vomits. There are behavioral and developmental changes going on here, too, but, to be honest, even without that, the reduction of asthma emergencies and random yet persistent stomach issues has improved the quality of life at our house tremendously. Gluten free is a hassle, and it's expensive, but I am sure it has paid for itself many times over just in the number of averted trips to the pediatrician or ER.

Gratuitous bento shot.

Gratuitous bento shot (and these two were made by Ren, a.k.a. Mr. Overachiever)

Learning to Adapt, 2.0

Today marks three weeks since Ren's last back surgery. It feels a lot like something from Swiss Family Robinson as we stitch together life without all of its parts. Recovery is happening, but it's happening very slowly.

Glacially.

So, we make adjustments, and I try really hard not to lose my schmidt.

Take cleaning, for example. Despite the fact that EVERYONE KNOWS that vacuuming is possibly the worst thing you could do with a bad back, Ren did not. He was crestfallen when the doctor told him  he had to lay off the vacuuming for at least three months. And, the only reason it was mentioned at all is because I specifically asked, "So, can he vacuum after surgery?" The doctor looked at me like I was a complete idiot, but sometimes you have to take one for the team and ask the stupid questions so your spouse will finally realize that YOU CAN'T VACUUM AFTER YOU'VE HAD BACK SURGERY.

I would love to hire a person to help us clean while we are one parent down. Ren, being the parent down, and also the parent stuck at home, would rather not. Now I know some of you will say I should do what I need to do to survive this. But I also have to be able to survive grumpy Ren, and nothing makes him grumpier than back surgery and paying someone to do something he thinks we should do ourselves. So, we both came up with plans. His was to have the kids each vacuum a room using a vacuum their size. Due to his vacuum fetish, we actual have enough properly-sized vacuums to do this.

I don't know if I should admit that.

Action shot -- blurry because obviously I am incompetent.

Mine was to buy a Roomba. Now, while Ren's plan instills in the kids a strong work ethic and a sense of team work. Mine is shinier. And electronic. Plus, it has had the completely unexpected bonus of being the perfect playmate for our  mischievous 2 year-old. Stow can't get enough of it. If he could figure out a way to get it into his crib, I'm pretty sure he'd sleep with it next to his pillow. I have to admit that I get more than a little pleasure watching him chase it around the room, dance with it, and put small toys on it so they can go for a ride. Unfortunately, the Roomba is just about as spastic as Stow, so Ren's plan definitely worked better in terms of actually getting the carpet clean. And it did make the kids slightly more aware of the need to help mom out. So now they also clean the kitchen and help with the laundry. (And, no, I am not, not under any circumstances admitting that Ren was right here. If that's what you took from this story, you've obviously misread. Ooo, look, a cow on a vacuum.)

Sky insisted we name this ibot. Short vowel sound, thank you very much.

The other big adjustment we've made post-surgery is that Stow has started going to daycare. Ren's lifting limit is 20 pounds. He's also not allowed to bend, twist, or squat. None of these restrictions are conducive two wrangling a 30+ pound 2 year-old. Of course, Ren was totally convinced he'd figure out a way to take care of Stow despite the fact he can't walk, and, you know, do anything. I, on the other hand, was totally convinced that if I didn't find some place to put Stow while I work, we'd be headed for another back surgery. Fortunately, there's a great co-op right on campus, and they were kind enough to let Stow come hang out until Ren is further along in his recovery.

Which is awesome. Except it's not.

I mean, I didn't realize I wasn't actually ready to have Stow in daycare until it was too late.  He made it easy for the me the first few days, crying as I walked away, begging me to stay, acting as if he was sorry to see me go. But, by the third day, he was over that. Now he just takes his Shinkansen thermos and his zebra lunch bag and doesn't even give me a second glance.

Stow's first bento.

To drive his point home (you know, the point that he doesn't really need me at all), Stow decided to do two things at daycare he's never done at home. He started using his own name and he started potty training. I'm not going go lie, I'm thrilled to know he actually knows his name. He's been slow on these kinds of things. But the potty training? I think he's just trying to make us look bad. The first day, when I dropped him off at daycare, they asked me if I wanted them to put him on the potty. Sure. Why not? We hadn't really gotten serious about the potty training thing, what with the back surgery and with the fact that Stow had all the urinary tract and digestive problems. But, what the heck? If they wanted to put him on the potty, I certainly wasn't going to stop them. I did not expect Stow to actually USE the potty, though.

Has he no regard for my feelings at all?

Obviously not. He's consistently used the potty at daycare since the very first day. Of course, at home, he screams when I try to take off his pull up and weeps when I put him on the potty. He's totally playing me and then rubbing it in. I mean, he even used the potty for the high school girls who work at the drop-in care place at our local gym. I'm sure he's doing it just to spite me. Or maybe he's mad at me for making him wear Pink P's leftover princess pull ups.

I guess I could see that.***

Action shot.

*** Actually, he loves the princess diapers as much as the "boy" diapers. It just doesn't make for as good of a story.

Thoughtless Thursday

Seems the packing/managing two houses/having life spread over multiple states/dealing with ASD kid who's entered pre-move implosion phase affects my ability to be articulate, so today, I bring you "Thoughtless Thursday."

Actually, we should probably call it "Minimally Thought-out Thursday," but I hate to lose the alliteration.

Yeah, so anyway, without further ado, I give to you:

The Bane of My Existence

Don't let the teeny-tiny cuteness fool you.

I know they seem all harmless and everything, but these tiny tonkatsu (fried pork cutlet) sauce* holders can ruin an entire day. Sure, you say, they're so cute and friendly, and gosh, they're so small, what possible trouble could they cause? You try getting a serving of tonkatsu sauce into one of these! I managed to get about a half a teaspoon into them before I gave up. The kids didn't complain. After all no one else at their respective summer camps had miniature sauce-holding animals in their lunches, but you see, this is exactly the thing that Japanese moms do to make me feel so darn incompetent. How do they get the sauce into this one-inch long container with an opening about the size of a pencil tip without splattering their shirts (and half the kitchen)? And why can't they just go ahead and put the sauce on the cutlet? Sure, it'll be a little soggy come lunch time, but, really, can't we all agree it's better for everyone if the bar is set low?

*****

Disclaimer: If you're new here and feeling cheated by my lame post (people who've been reading for awhile know that this is just the way it goes sometimes), I encourage you to look at some of my other ones. Most recently, I kind of like the one about my kids getting glasses. Then there's the top ten list over there on the side. I kind of like those, too.



* Tonkatsu sauce is basically a sweet brown sauce used specifically for fried pork cutlets.

Things My Kids Eat That Yours Probably Don't

One of the benefits of being a bicultural family is that Sky, Pink, and Stow have been exposed to a wide, some might even say extreme, variety of food. Since Ren is a better cook than I am, and since I basically learned to cook in Japan anyway, nearly all of our dinners and about half of our lunches are Japanese.

I realize may be going out on a limb here, but I am guessing that your kids don't eat some of these Moe Family favorites:

SEAWEED AND SEA KELP 

Once we start to introduce table foods, the first favorite foods for all of them was wakame (sea kelp). Ren is convinced it's the perfect food for a growing baby. He may be right. Wakame is  low in calories or fat and high in things like calcium, iron, iodine, magnesium, and folate, not to mention several different vitamins. The most common usage of wakame for us is in miso soup.

Dried wakame (before it's reconstituted)

The kids also like good ol' seaweed. It comes in individual packages so they can take it in their lunch and wrap it around their rice balls.

Yummmmmm.

While all of our kids love wakame and seaweed, only Pink P is a "dai-fan" (super fan) of arame. She would eat it every meal if we let her. Between the arame addiction and the princess fetish, I sometimes wonder if she's my kid. But then she stomps her foot and digs her heels in to fight a completely pointless battle about something that's only significant to her, and I realize she's just like me.

Arame--Pink P's Obsession (photo credit: veggieatlas.com)

TOFU

The kids also all totally dig tofu, which is awesome because then we could avoid that whole pureed meat phase when they started eating solids and needed the protein. Meat should never, ever come in a jar. I don't care what anyone tells you. Tofu is high in protein and low in saturated fat. It has been shown to lower cholesterol. Fortunately, no one has turned up allergic to soy yet, though it may just be a matter of time. Oh, and when you buy tofu, organic is best, but if not organic, at least make sure it's non-GMO certified.

Miso soup with tofu and wakame.

ALL KINDS OF FISH EVEN THESE LITTLE BABY ONES

When I first started getting interested in Japan, my mom joked that it'd never last since I absolutely hated fish. Since the Japanese diet is very much fish based, she figured I'd either starve or find another way to spend my time. I hated fish so much, I couldn't even be in the house when it was being cooked.

Fortunately, things have changed. We now eat fish regularly (sorry, Mom!), but not too often (and not when pregnant), just to be on the safe side.  Like tofu, you should be aware of where the fish came from before you eat it.

The kids love salmon, but they also seem to indiscriminately love of all things fishy, including this:

Shirasu -- baby sardines (not one of my faves, not by a long shot)

And most of this:

Though no one, I repeat no one, can convince them to eat mushrooms.

NATTO

Two out of three of my kids also love natto, which according to my informal research, is statistically impossible. Families are usually evenly divided over the natto question. Every seventh-grade class I taught during my time in Japan was evenly divided as well. I know this because one of the first grammar points I taught each year was "I like ~~." ("Do you like natto?" "Yes, I do." "No, I don't.") Given the number of times I asked or was asked this question, it's obviously a contentious debate. And yet, and yet, in my family 3 (and possibly 4) out of 5 of us, love natto. I am firmly in the "no" camp, and Stow is still too young to vote--mostly because it's hard to find so we haven't had any in the house since he started eating table food.

Photo credit: seriouseats.com

What is natto, you ask? It's a sticky mess of fermented soy beans that folks usually eat with breakfast, though goodness knows Ren would eat it three meals a day if he could. Fermented = stinky. But actually, it's not the smell that I don't like. It's not even the sticky. It's the fact that when you chew it up, it expands in your mouth. My like/dislike guidelines for food are pretty simple: First, the food must be dead and no longer moving. Second, it shouldn't be chewy (unless it's candy such as licorice, taffy, or chewing gum). Third, if it is a meat, it should not too closely resemble its living form (so no heads or eyeballs, please), and fourth, it should never, ever multiply or expand once I put it in my mouth.

You'd be surprised the number of times one or more of these guidelines has been tested. There was the time the squid tentacle flopped over the edge of the plate and started moving up and down as it made a last-ditch effort to escape. There was the time a guy plucked out the fish's eye and popped it into his mouth just before I could get to it (darn!--and by "darn" I mean "OMG! Did he really just do that?!!?!!!!"). There was the time my mollusk tried to crawl off the teppan** when it started heating up. There was the raw chicken. And, there was the broth full of tiny swimming fish that was harder to eat than it looked.

SUSHI

And, of course, my kids like sushi. The stuff pictured below is one of Ren's creation. If they had their way, Sky would eat kappa maki (cucumber rolls) every day and Pink P, sweet potato rolls. But if you twist their arms, they will eat some of this stuff, too. Stow? Well, Stow eats just about anything.

In the end, it turns out we're lucky that the kids are adventurous eaters. It lets me pack lunches like this:

And it also makes it a tad bit easier to deal with our newly embraced gluten-free, casein-free diet. Not sure what I would have done if they only liked chicken nuggets, pizza, and mac-n-cheese!



**Teppan -- metal griddle used for cooking

Snack Time

Ahhh, snack time. The idyllic moment  of childhood when kids pause from their energetic play to fill their tummies with their favorite treats and reflect on their day.....That is, until you go gluten** and casein-free. Then those harmless little snack times can threaten to get the best of you.

Until now, I've been able to convince Sky and Pink that their dietary limitations weren't a big deal. I compensated for a lack of dairy in snacks by making homemade ice cream or giving them crunchy granola bars (Sky's all-time favorite), and they were thrilled. Now, though, I'm having a hard time convincing Sky and Pink that rice crackers and corn chips are adequate replacements for their favorites: cookies and cupcakes. When we were just casein-free it was actually possible to find some baked good they could eat. Now, not so much. And the troops are rebelling, people. They miss bagels, the occasional donut, and good bread. 

But most of all they miss spontaneity and variety. 

The good news? I seem to have aced the lunch box challenge (see photo series below). They're more than happy with their rice balls, hummus and veggies, and sun butter and jelly on gluten-free frozen waffles. The bad news? I have not mastered the art of the unexpected snack.

It's not until you embark on a special diet that you realize just how ubiquitous the mid-morning/mid-afternoon snack is. This week alone, I was unprepared for snacks at a play date, Sunday school, and a birthday party. I also didn't anticipate the chocolate candy rewards handed out at dance class and Cub Scouts or the chocolate that accompanied the favors from the pool party. Each time, the parent in charge expressed appropriate remorse for not having viable alternatives for us, and two even offered to buy something different next time, writing down a list of things my kids could eat. (I can't even begin to tell you how heartwarming that gesture is, by the way). Still, that doesn't solve the problem of the unanticipated snack. Sky takes responsibility for and ownership of his dietary restrictions. He sees the value in what we're trying to accomplish. But so many instances where he can eat nothing being offered is demoralizing, even for him.

I know I need to get better at always having a back-up snack on hand. I've already supplied both of their teachers with a bag full of gluten-, casein-, nut-, and dye-free snacks, and I always take some whenever we go out of town. But clearly I need to do more. That, or I need to convince everyone to quit handing out food all the time.



**I know, I know, I know. I just can't resist the fine print: We haven't managed to get totally gluten-free, yet. There's gluten in our Costco-size container of soy sauce, and Sky has a few more oatmeal granola bars to get through. Still, we've seen improved behavior overall--though, he will be the first to point out, gluten doesn't seem to help increase patience for little sisters nor does it help him remember to stop singing at the end of songs when everyone else does. 

#1 This is the part where I try to distract you from the sore lack of compelling content in this post by showing you pictures of the lunches we've made recently. Some of these have appeared on my FB page, so sorry if you are seeing them for a second time.

#2 I forgot to mention that this is a quiz. Try to guess which lunches I made and which ones Ren made. I'll give you a hint--his always look better than mine. Leave your guesses in the comment section if you want.

#3 Like the green beans rolled up in ham? A nice touch, don't you think?

#4 Van's Gluten-free Waffles. When someone suggested these as a bread alternative, I thought she was crazy, but  the kids love them. 

#5 This one may not look like much, but there's cooked fish inside those rice balls.

#6 Reverse-rolled brown-rice sushi with ham, lettuce, and carrots.

#7 "Niku-jaga," broccoli, tomatoes, and rice balls. This is a tricky one since I made part of it and Ren made part of it.

#8 Hummus, veggies, and sesame seaweed rice chips.