Are You SURE We're Related?

We got to school a little early on Friday, so Pink P's teacher had a chance to corner me.

Teacher: Have you heard about her "boyfriend?"
Me: (Sigh) Yes.
Teacher: I just wanted to let you know that they were holding hands during naptime, so I separated them.
Me: Thank you.
Teacher: She still has a problem with blowing kisses though. So maybe that's something you can talk about at home?
Me: Of course.

Those of you who know me can understand why I am wondering where this kid came from. If teachers talked to my mom, it was usually about how I beat up a boy on the play ground or didn't try hard enough to make the other kids like me. Just the other day, I was reminiscing about the fact that I was essentially kicked out of Brownie Scouts. Apparently, my scoffs and refusal to glue doilies onto empty coffee cans was the last straw. I don't remember. I just remember wishing I could be home playing basketball or building forts in the woods.

In the last 48 hours, Pink P said all of the following:

» I can't wait to go to school so I can be with my boyfriend.

» (To a complete stranger) I just love your hair.

» (Again to a complete stranger) What a pretty bow!

» Can I take my unicorn with me?

» I don't want to wear pants! I want to wear a dress!!!

» This needs more glitter.

» They like it when I blow them kisses!

» He thinks I'm cute.

» I never have enough money to go shopping.

» Why can't I paint my fingernails? I'm old enough!

I don't think I've ever, in my entire life, uttered any one of these phrases. Ever.

***

I tried to intervene, I really did. And when I did, we had the following conversation:

M: Pink, I don't think Chase thinks of you that way.
P: Yes, he does. He's my boyfriend. He loves me and I love him.
M: But when we saw him the other day, he seemed kind of annoyed by you. I think he just wants to be your friend.
P: (in tears) Mommy! That's mean! You just don't understand.

***

Now, I know you think I am overreacting, but look. She drew these this morning:

I admit it. I'm worried. Because she's right. I don't understand. I actually have no idea what she's talking about. Probably because my brain went into panic shutdown mode and hasn't been able to reboot since.