Top Ten Things I learned in Tokyo (On This Trip So Far)

We’ve been back in Japan for about two weeks, so I thought you might like an update. Here’s a list of things I have learned/realized/had reconfirmed:

1. No matter what I do, I’m going to end up buying my kids shoes in Japan. 

Last year on our first full day in Japan, it became immediately apparent that none of the kids had workable shoes. We don’t walk as much in our everyday Midwestern life as in Tokyo, where we average about 5 miles a day. It wasn't until we were somewhere in the middle of the city that I learned that Sky forgot to bring the inner soles of his shoes, Falcon's shoes had holes, and Stow's shoes, which were brand new, no longer fit. 

After buying three pairs of shoes on day one last year, I made SURE they all had shoes that fit and that were in good shape. Apparently, that was enough for them to make it 12 days until I had to buy three new pairs of shoes again, because this time Falcon's shoes were "too loud" and too hard to put on (who chooses high tops to wear in JAPAN?!), Sky's shoes were "too neon," and Stow managed to walk until he got holes in the shoes we bought about a month before our trip. Honestly, the only one who actually NEEDED shoes this time was Stow, but the dollar is strong against the yen right now, and I was really tired of hearing about the noise issue and the neon issues.

2. The only way to survive a rush hour train commute is with noise-cancelling earbuds and a solid playlist. 

I do everything humanly possible to avoid trains at rush hour. You've seen the videos. Rush hour in Tokyo is no joke. Sometimes, though, I have no choice. There are a lot of sub-lessons about trains as well: A) Even if it looks like another person can't fit, they can. If you are that person, step on to the train, turn around and back yourself far enough in that the door won't close on you. People packed on a crowded train tend to settle into place, and somehow you will find yourself with enough room. B) If you're short like me, try to stay near the door or the ends of the bench seats, so 1) you have something to hold onto, and 2) your face is not in everyone else's armpits. 

Anyway, I'm a bit claustrophobic and REALLY dislike crowds of people, so the crowded train is a worst-case scenario for me. My ability to cope with it has improved greatly since I got earbuds that cancel out all of the surrounding noise, so if I close my eyes, I can forget that I am on a train full of people. I even do this when I am on a train not packed with people and highly recommend this for anyone with claustrophobia or social anxiety. Also, if you want to hear one of my playlists, leave a comment or PM me on Facebook.

3. No matter how much I tell myself I won’t, I will STILL buy more pens. 

I have a lot of pens. This may be an occupational hazard for anyone who does work in or on Japan. Or maybe I just have a problem. Either way, I always resolve that this trip I will absolutely not buy any more pens. Last trip, I made it three days before buying one (and then a bunch). This time, I made it six days. But, I only bought two pens, and that's because these are absolutely the best pens I have ever used!!! I know I only needed to get one and that I could probably just get by buying ink refills for the same type of pen I bought last year. But what if the pen breaks? What if it gets lost? What if the padded rubbery part on the end gets sticky or gunky? How would I go on then? You can really never be too careful when it comes to pens.

I mean, look at this thing!

4. Getting the kids their own rooms was a stroke of genius  

I probably don't even need to explain this one. They need their own space where they can decompress and do their own thing. All siblings annoy each other, neurodiverse kids with very specific ideas about the world can make life impossible for one another. Miraculously, I finally convinced Ren to try AirBnB because lodging for 5 people in Tokyo is nearly impossible to find and puts us in really tight quarters. The AirBnB house we are using is tiny by US standards, but we all have space to get away from each other!

Falcon's bunkbed cave

Stow's room is barely big enough for his bed and less wide than Stow is tall.

5. It’s impossible to spend time in Japan and not walk away with lots of tchotchkes

I also regularly make resolutions about not bringing any more geegaws into my life. But, then I come to Japan, and I quickly crumble under the sheer number of opportunities to buy things I do not need. This time, I am proud to say I have largely managed to resist, though I did buy a couple of figurines and a sticker from two of my favorite Miyazaki Hayao films.

Model of one of the robots from Castle in the Sky

Uncle Pom sticker

Kodama from Princess Mononoke--can you blame my choices on these?!

6. You can waste a lot of money on vending machines and gachapon (Gacha gacha in English?).

We always give the kids some spending money when we come to Japan. Last year, Stow spent every yen that he got buying interesting drinks from vending machines (which are practically on every corner) and gachapon machines, which are also increasingly almost on every corner. Gachapon are machines that you pay anywhere from 200-500 yen to get a capsule with some kind of tchotchke in it. The machines are thematic with anywhere from hats for cats (Bunny Pearl has NO idea that this is her year to get initiated into the world of cat hats) to tiny soldiers in ring boxes to your favorite anime character holding different kinds of food. There are entire stores full of gachapon machines, and the possible "prizes" are oddly addictive. So, yeah, last year Stow spent about 15000 yen on gacha and drinks. This year, he has done MUCH better. He's managed to save his spending money, but the gacha fever seems to have spread to Falcon. Curse you, savvy toy marketers!

So. Many. Vending machines.

Gachapon haul

7. While I love big cities like Tokyo and Kyoto, I’m a small-town person at heart.

See #2 above. Also all of the posts I have written about mountains.

8. I will never master the Japanese ability to make a long train commute on a muggy day and still look and smell fresh. 

I really don't know how people do it. Inevitably I look like a cat that has just been given a bath whenever I get off the train after a rainy day commute. Meanwhile, the people around me are not only not wet, but they are better dressed and WAY more put together than I am on even my best days. I want some of that magic. 

Me after a June train ride

9. Traveling with three kids is challenging. Traveling with three neurodiverse kids can seem downright impossible at times.

I'll write more about this later, but I wanted to flag it here and say that sometimes I can forget how hard this is for the kids. Also, Ren is a saint, an absolute saint.

10. Monaka remains the best ice cream treat in the world.  

What can I say? Crispy cone on the outside, thin piece of chocolate in the middle of vanilla ice cream on the inside, not to mention the way the outer layer is lined with chocolate BUT STILL CRUNCHY. I believe it is a testament to human genius and ingenuity, and encourage you all, every single one of you, to eat one (many).

I mean, all Japanese ice cream is great....

....but nothing beats Monaka!

In Which I'm Being Completely Honest

Several years ago, Ren and I made the conscious decision to try to take the kids to Japan once every two or three years. Despite the expense (you could buy a pretty nice car for the price of round-trip tickets for a family of five) and the hassle of preparing everyone for the trip and closing up the house for a month, we have always believed that the benefits outweigh the costs.

I mean, how many kids get to leave their house in a village of 9000 people to stay in a 25th-floor apartment in one of the largest cities in the world?

Sunrise (from one window in our apartment)

And, post-sunset from another...

And, how many go from weekends biking lackadaisically around the neighborhood to exploring the pathways and tunnels (and fire jugglers and Pikachus) of Tokyo?

This is how we combat jetlag -- laps.

He wanted me to give it a try.

Pikachu, moments before being accosted by two Midwesterners.

Everything is an opportunity to take in entirely new and unfamiliar surroundings (whether in the city or the rural beach front or mountainside)....

Sunrise over the ocean

....and to practice Japanese, whether it's kids shows or Godzilla.

Singing and dancing with the TV.

Godzilla VS Mothra!!!!

Being in Japan is a chance to engage all of our senses in ways we can't normally do when home in the US. We're fortunate to be in a position where we can make this trip every few summers so our kids can begin to figure out their identities as Japanese-Americans, to continue to build the foundations of their understanding of written and spoken Japanese, and to create memories together that will hopefully stay with them for the rest of their lives. Traveling to Japan is fun, but much more importantly, it's key in helping our kids figure out who they are.

Riding the train.

And, until this last trip, I was completely convinced that it's the best way to help our kids stay connected, but then things went south. I mean, there was a lot that was really great about our visit to Japan. But there was one thing that was really, really bad. Stow regressed.

In fact, both times we've taken Stow to Japan, he has regressed. The first time, he was 3, and he basically hit and bit me the entire time we were in Japan. He didn't do it before we left the States, and once we returned, he stopped doing it again. It was horrible even though now he doesn't seem to remember Japan as being a negative experience for him.

This is a picture he drew nearly TWO years after the trip to Japan.

Having Stow go from being fairly complacent and totally non-aggressive to biting, hitting, and running was unnerving. Suddenly we felt like we were looking at a young Sky all over again. But, then we came home, and it was better, so we figured it was just an anxiety response to all the new things he experienced his first time in Japan.

Stow's older now, and he claims to love going to Japan, so I figured he'd be fine this time. Just to be safe, though, in the weeks leading up to our trip this summer, we worked at length with our OT and behavioral therapists to create social stories and to put together a bag of fidgets to help Stow with the trip.

Our preparations didn't work. Stow slipped into his alternate state as soon as we got on the plane and demonstrated aggressive behaviors and a high tendency to wander throughout our trip. It was just like last time, only this time, the behaviors didn't stop once we got home. In fact, we are still working very hard to undo whatever it is that was "done" while we were in Japan. It's hard. It's frustrating, but most of all, it's incredibly heartbreaking to see Stow struggle like this despite all of his hard work.

We still don't know what triggered the regressions in Stow. Was it the sensory overload from being in a country where just about everything is different than what he's used to? Was it the food that wasn't always as GFCF as we would have liked? Was it the stress of trying to relate to his peers without being able to speak Japanese well? Was he bullied at preschool by kids who saw his giant size and inability to speak an invitation to be aggressive? Did the long airplane ride mess up the pressure in his ears? Were the transitions just too much for him? Maybe it's all these things. Maybe it's none of them. I guess the only thing that really matters is that Stow doesn't know why he's doing what he's doing, and his behavior is negatively impacting the quality of life for all of us.

I think this has to be the hardest part about parenting non-neurotypical kids. Sometimes everyone can be working as hard as they can and doing all that they can, and the interventions just don't work. Sometimes whatever is going on is an impossible puzzle, and all you can do is keep at it until you figure it out. We are back in our routine now, back on our diet, and back at our therapies, and we are even trying a couple of new things to see if they help Stow settle back into his old ways.

Other than that, we are waiting and praying and hoping we can help him work through this. (While trying really hard not to panic). It will be okay. It won't be easy, but somehow we will figure it out. We have to.

My Lame Non-existent Travel Blog

I've been traveling in Japan for the past week, so I've got a few good bad English shirts for you. The shop was crowded, and my rental cell phone refused any attempts to set the camera shutter sound to silent. This meant my photo opportunities were quite limited. I suppose this is great practice for our new reality, though. After all, Stow is four now, so soon, there will be no one to carry on the good bad English tradition for me. Once he learns to read, the probability of me getting a kid to wear one of my bad English acquisitions out of the house drops down to zero. I hope you enjoy these. They might be your last!

I hear a voice of the delight.

Wildly peaceful mind...It's your turn to shine. Futuristic.

Chain stitch. The world sea is lucky luck.

Good round pace step...

The English is okay, but that's way too optimistic for this early in the morning.

I don't know. You tell me.

Alpaca!

A rational and ritzy kid.

These pants are a party in the front, and...

...a party in the back. I'm so happy lucky!

Since our good bad English time is limited, I've been toying with the idea of showing you actual pictures from my trips. If I did that, they'd include things like this:

Kiyomizu Temple in Kyoto

Or, this...

Kyoto skyline...

Or, even this....

Leaves changing at Kodai Temple

But, the thought of putting together a travel blog of the famous sites of Kyoto or Tokyo bores me. Besides, I hate throngs of tourists and all the famous stuff shows up in travel guides, anyway.

So, instead, here's a little glimpse of how I spend my kid-free time in Japan. 

Mostly, I go to books stores. Lots and lots of bookstores. 

But, I also have some favorite places to hang out and window shop. In Kyoto, it's Nishiki Market, a traditional marketplace that has been running in one form or another for 400 years. Here are some of the sights I saw as I walked through this morning. 

A fabric shop selling fabric for obi.

Tamago-yaki (rolled egg) shop.

The only place to go for all your fried fish cake needs.

Knife shop that's popular with tourist because they engrave their high quality knives with any name you choose. It's popular with me because it's been around for over 400 years, and they claim to have made knives back before the samurai were tamed.

Tourists getting their knives carved.

Fish flakes.

All of these shops are pretty cool, but none of them have my heart like the pickle shop does. If I could figure out a way to keep them refrigerated for the long trip home, I'd have a whole suitcase full of these:

Unfortunately, I can't take any pickles back with me. No worries, though! I spent most of my morning sampling. Mmmmm... 

October 2014 Japan Trip, Postscript

Just when you thought I was done photo dumping....Well, I am. Kind of. I just had a couple of more things I wanted to share with you.

First, the eki bento (a.k.a. ekiben). Ekiben are boxed lunches sold in train stations to folks preparing to board the bullet train. I bought mine at a shop like this right before I set out from Kyoto to Tokyo.

As you can imagine from this picture, there seems to be an infinite number of possibilities when it comes to ekiben. Most stations sell station specific ekiben as well as a wide array of seasonal and old favorites. 

Traveling by shinkansen is much more pleasant and enjoyable than any kind of train transportation available in the United States. The cars are clean and quiet, and the ride is incredibly smooth. The seats recline, there is plenty of legroom as well as adequate tray space for a good-sized ekiben and drink.

Of course, none of this matters if you are traveling with small children because then you are holding at least one of them on your lap while also trying to balance your boxed lunch and manipulate chopsticks in such as way as to force your toddler to take a bite of the salmon already. Traveling on a quiet and clean bullet train with kids is worse than flying with them because there's no ambient engine noise to drown out their poorly-timed observations or high-pitched protestations. Plus, the aisles are so darn wide, they can actually race each other down them (not that I would know from personal experience or anything; though I can say with a degree of certainty that you might be asked to keep your children quiet even when that's quite impossible given the excitement-provoking double whammy of TRAINS! and first-time views of majestic Mt. Fuji).

Pink shows Stow Mt. Fuji for the first time (back in June).

But, I digress. Back to ekiben...There was a time in my life, when I was a conservative ekiben consumer, but that time seems to have passed. Last week, before starting my marathon journey from Kyoto back to Tokyo just in time for a 12+ hour flight back to the US, I purchased this makunouchi ekiben.

 Check this out:

The only real surprise was the baby octopus in the bottom middle slot. I'm also not a huge fan of clams (top left). The other stuff was heavenly, though. I especially liked the tofu and pumpkin (sharing space with that darned octopus).

Anyway, the moral of this long-winded story about ekiben is that you should go to Japan and eat one, preferably without small children on your lap.

And now, I promise, the last of my interesting English pictures from this trip.

This is a souvenir shop in Kyoto Station. I looked. The store did not have a single heart, human or otherwise. Talk about false advertising!

This sign hung on the wall just above the toilet paper dispenser in my hotel room taunting me every time I used the toilet. Even now, I can't make sense of it (reading the Japanese doesn't help, either). If I don't need the whole roll, it seems wasteful to finish it, no?