Twelve Years Later...

Do you all remember when I started this blog back in 2011? We had recently learned that Sky was autistic, and I hoped this would be a place where I could find an understanding community. I was desperate to for information and to meet other families who were going through similar things. For so long, I blogged frequently and posts got thousands of hits. But in the last few years, my readership has dwindled as I have posted so much less. 

That's ok, though, because I've figured out some things that are way more important than post views, and those are the things that guide how and what and how much I write now. 

The three BIG ones are these:

1. My kids don't have autism, they are autistic. Autism makes their brains work differently at a fundamental level and impacts the way they experience everything. Autism is not something they have, it is part of who they are. You can have asthma. You can have allergies, but these aren't innate. You can't have autism in the same way you can't have shortness. Identity-first language matters. 

2. I am not an autism mom. There is no such thing. My kids are autistic, but that doesn't define everything about them. And, it certainly shouldn't define me especially since it is not one of MY identities. Looking back, I realize how many times I made the struggles they were going through about me. Sure this instinct may have come from a good place--I want to support them in all possible ways--but my role is supporting actress, not lead. 

3. These are not my stories, they are theirs. My goal is to amplify the voices of people who need to be heard. Sometimes, I think that will still mean that I talk about how I am processing things because I think there can be a place for that, but more often than not, I will focus on sharing their stories.

My kids know I write this blog to help me process and to share our experiences. They have read it and are and have been supportive of this endeavor. Along the way, they have also been very proud to tell their stories. I hope to keep doing that. Just know that often the silences are about the stories I can't tell, either because I don't have words for them or because they have asked me not to tell them.