Showing posts with label Dissertation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dissertation. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Sometimes Repression Really IS the Way to Go

A couple of days after the defense, a friend of mine had a party in my honor (thank you!). She was kind enough to have a piñata for the kids.

A cute unicorn piñata:





I didn't hit the piñata. It was for the kids, after all.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to take out my many years of adviser frustration on it. In my mind, I saw myself mercilessly beating the poor thing to a pulp, inadvertently crushing the goodies inside while tiny pairs of eyes looked on in horror.

I knew I definitely would not be a good paper-mâché-pounding role model.



Fortunately, one of the kids did this:



And somehow, I felt much, much better.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

My Ph.D. by the Numbers

Number of ....


Years it took to finish: 8
(Average time to degree in my field: 10 years)

Times I Thought I was Finished: 3

Dissertation Revisions: 5

Births: 3

Pounds in Total Birth Weight: 27

Months Spent Breast-feeding While Studying/Writing/Teaching: 36

Times My Dissertation Adviser Told Me to "Quit Worrying about Funding and Just Write My Dissertation": 10 (at least)

Courses Taught: 19

Relocations: 6

Residences: 5

Countries: 2

International Flights with Small Children: 12

Suitcases Carried Back and Forth: 7 (plus 23 boxes when we moved back "for good")

Hospitalizations: 9

Total Days in Hospital: 25

Major Surgeries: 6

Unwanted Diagnoses: 5

Peditricians: 7


And after all that,
The Number of Sane Adults in My Household Today: 0

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Becoming Dr. Seuss

The day before the defense? A combination of euphoria and sheer terror. What if I fail? That's, of course, the biggest fear. But there are others--what will I do with myself once this long ordeal is finally over? What moments in the life of my family have I missed never to regain? Was it worth it?

And the euphoria? To be honest, I can't imagine ever being free of this weight on my shoulders. The weight of years of revising and feeling like I am so close only to have the goal line moved further out of reach. In the final moments of preparation, when I feel like I am probably as ready as I will ever be, I allow the thought of successfully defending to slip into my subconsciousness, and I am briefly giddy. Just briefly.

*****

The consuming thought, as I walked back to the hotel after the defense? "When I woke up, I was not a doctor, but now I am."

It really does seem pretty arbitrary.

*****

After I finished, I called my folks to let them know. Needless to say, they were very excited and their enthusiasm elicited immediate curiosity from Pink P and Sky (who did not make the trip with Ren, Stow, and I back to campus). Pink P wrestled the phone from Grandma first.

Pink P: What happened, Mommy?

Me: I finished my big paper.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: I said, I finished my big paper.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: I finished.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: I SAID, I FINISHED.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: Put Sky on the phone.

(brief pause)

Sky: Hi, Mom.

Me: GUESS WHAT?!?!!

Sky (totally unimpressed and slightly exasperated--imagine him sighing sarcastically like a tween with major attitude):
I know. You're a doctor.

*****

Months earlier, I tried to explain why I was so busy:

Me: Mommy's writing a big paper and when I'm done, I'll be a doctor.

Sky (obviously impressed): You're going to be a DOCTOR?!?!

Me: Yup. But, not like Dr. Lee who helps you when you are sick. I'll be a doctor who teaches people and doesn't give them shots.

Sky (after pausing thoughtfully): So, you mean like Dr. Seuss.


Um, yeah, I guess I do.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Things You Should Know about Me--or--Epic Procrastination Attempt #2

1. I don't need much sleep.

2. I met my husband in a hospital in Japan.

3. My worst parenting moment: Flying to Japan when Pink P was 7 weeks old, the flight attendant told me I couldn't put her in the bassinet, so after a week of no sleep (due to packing and moving), I couldn't avoid falling asleep while holding her. Next thing I knew, the guy across the aisle was handing her to me, saying, "I think this is yours," and I was like, "Ur..thanks."

4. I started studying Japanese because it seemed hard and I was bored.

5. I played tennis and basketball in high school. I play tennis right-handed and basketball left-handed, and even though the motion is essentially the same when serving a tennis ball and a volleyball, I do one right-handed (tennis) and the other left-handed (volleyball).

6. I have 37 watches including one from China which has a waving Deng Xiaoping and one from Switzerland that has edleweiss and cows (a true Swiss watch!). My most expensive watch is an antique handed down to me and my newest is a G-shock which is solar and has wave receptor so I never have to wind or change batteries again (which is good since most of my 37 watches have dead batteries).

7. I swore I would never marry a Japanese man.

8. I have had two knee surgeries and two broken ribs. Both injuries happened on the same day (May 26) seven years apart. I still feel a little nervous leaving the house on this day.

9. I am using deoderant that expired two years ago. How bad can it be?

10. I like to hike (except when I have just broken two ribs and somehow have to get back down the mountain).

11. My favorite trail is the East Inlet trail in Rocky Mountain National Park out of Grand Lake, CO. Because, look:

12. I once rode a bike 50 miles through the mountains in the rain for pizza. Fortunately, I was able to hitch a ride home with the Pizza Hut waiter, though his car had a hole in the floor board.

13. I have been to 14 countries and 44 states.

14. When Sky started Catholic preschool in Tokyo, his sign of the cross was left shoulder, right shoulder, left butt cheek, right butt cheek, with a little shake of the hiney. I didn't correct him on this for a long time.

15. I can play the guitar, the clarinet, the piano, the baritone, and the shamisen--none of them well. In fact, some would say I can't really play them at all.

16. I drink way too much diet soda.

17. When I taught in Japan, I had my own TV show. Of course, it was for the local TV station which only reached about 3000 viewers and featured farm reports and festival music.

18.  I once convinced a room full of Japanese people that we celebrate a national fart day in the US. This is probably my worst cross-cultural moment. Luckily, most of them were drunk and didn't remember it later.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Things Fall Apart

And just like that, things fall apart.

Not sure what minor shift happened in the universe, but suddenly life has gotten a lot more challenging. Sure, dissertation draft deadlines and final paper grading are the bane of my existence here in late April, but they are pretty much par for the course. And while being in the last month of pregnancy is no fun (Did I mention how much I hate being pregnant? If not, I'm doing a better job censoring myself than I realized), I pretty much expected to be uncomfortable, sleepless, and grumpy at this point.

What I didn't expect was for Sky to enter a different dimension. This is about day 12 into our Sky paradigm shift. Suddenly he walks around the house yelling unintelligibly at the top of his lungs. Suddenly he is repeating words he is not allowed to use in rapid succession. Suddenly he is melting down fairly regularly. Suddenly he's getting into trouble at school. It's like we are back at square one, only the problems are different somehow.

We can't figure out what in the world led to it. Easter? The substitute teacher he's had for two weeks? The change in seasons? Who knows? And, it really doesn't matter what caused the shift. We just need to figure out how to get back to where we were.

Fortunately, despite the fact that the public school system still offers us little support (I know what I'm doing this summer--besides having a baby that is), his private school is awesome. All of the teachers who see him throughout the day, including the principal, are not only aware of what is up with him, but they are all also working together to actively implement interventions meant to help him maintain his equilibrium and make it through the day successfully.

Honestly, I think their response time has been better than mine. I'm not sure what else we can be doing that we weren't doing already, but I'm sure we will figure it out. I am sure we have been in this place before and figured it out before. The harder thing is figuring out how not to be freaked out by how easily things seem to fall apart.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Random Advice

ONE:
When writing a dissertation, it is better to either finish quickly (usually impossible) or to have a superior filing system which does not rely on memory alone. Since I started writing my dissertation, I have 1) added 1 1/2 children to my life, 2) entered the bewildering world of ASD and its various interventions, 3) moved 6 times, including two long stints in Japan, 4) seen both of my parents through various medical procedures, 5) started blogging, and 6) consumed more than a thousand cans of Coke Zero. I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning, much less where I placed that 2-page article on so-and-so's view of history. And the thing is that I need that article right now to move one sentence further along on my 200+ page dissertation. I also can't find my strand of extremely valuable pearls. But I don't need those right now, so who cares?

TWO:
Whenever possible, avoid going on the kindergarten field trip when 8 months pregnant, especially if the field trip requires three hours on a school bus full of small children singing "Jingle Bells" (out of season) most of the way. I had every intention of riding with one of the other mothers, but when Sky saw that some of the moms were riding on the bus, he absolutely refused to get on without me. It did not help for other moms to point out that they were worried that the excessive bumpiness of the ride (do school buses NOT have shock absorbers?) might put me into early labor. Nor did it help, really, that Sky and I were in a seat surrounded by parentless boys whose moms had decided to drive.

THREE:
Actually, I can't think of a third piece of advice right now...Plus, I just remembered that I logged on to my computer in order to search for the missing article.